Cherry in Therapy: A Scene about Tears for Art

Words by Matthew Spence:

[Interior: your local friendly therapist office]

 

Matt: Doc, so you ever feel like your emotional strings are out of tune sometimes?

Doc: Ehh, no, not really.

Matt: Ohh……….

Doc:…… Yeah, BUT, I’m in the business of helping those who slip up. What makes you ask that?

Matt: Lately, there’s been this part of me that I’ve been trying to understand a bit more. Hence why I’m here; I’d talk to myself based on the fact it’s free, but the downside is, if anyone saw me doing it, I’d get sent to a ward. So, it’s best to play it safe and pay it straight.

Doc: Well, to be fair, talking to yourself is fine and normal. It’s when you respond to yourself; now that’s when it’s concerning. But care to elaborate?

Matt: Like, ok, I was listening to Tyler’s [the Creator’s] newest album, right? There’s this song called “Like Him.” It’s a 4-minute heartbreaking and emotion-confronting record about his absent father and his issues of becoming a father himself, etc. It evokes so much from me when I listen to it. and for a lot of people, I’m assuming. But there was this one particular listening experience I had where there was this part of me that felt I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t or wasn’t able to.

Doc: Ahh, I see. Do you think there’s part of you that’s still battling with your father’s issues in a different stage?

 

 

Matt: Huh? Oh no. I have a dad; he’s very active in my life. I don’t even have issues with becoming a dad; if I do, it’s most likely off the worries of being broke as fuck to raise one, but that could change, right? I didn’t wanna cry due to a reliability aspect, but more from an empathetic factor. Feeling for Tyler, his mom, people who could relate. It’s just a sad-ass song, yo. And it just opened up a mental can of words like: cold, restricted, and bastard. All from the fact that I’ve yet to cry to any art or any media.

Doc: Is that something you’re trying to accomplish?

Matt: I mean, not necessarily. It’s not like I’m trying to turn it into a social experiment and listen to Street Spirit (Fade Out) for 24 hours.

 

 

Scrambling to find anything and everything to cry to. Like, I’m gonna try to cry listening to Lil Jon and poorly rated Joey King movies. It’s just at some point; it makes me think… Am I really in touch with the art I lov—-

Doc: —wait, my pen ran out of ink. Pass me the one over there.

Matt: Oh, uh, sure.

………

Here ya go

Doc: Uhh, not to be that guy, but can you pass me the black one? Writing in red is bad luck.

Matt: <sigh> ok.

………..

Doc: Thanks……….Proceed.

Matt: Yeah, but, Not a song or movie. Not a book. I didn’t cry when Mr. Turner got into that motorcycle accident in Boy Meets World. I never cried to those sad Sarah McLachlan commercials. I’ve never been so vulnerable and emotionally naked to where I let go of self and cried. I would consider myself a sensitive person, you know? Generally, I’d say I’m vulnerable with my emotions and feelings. I’m no stranger to crying; I was a goddamn crybaby as a kid. My mom told me the reason why I have an outie belly button is because I cried too much as a baby. Granted, I never googled it to see if that’s an actual thing that can happen, but… my point remains. Regardless, I’d say I understand emotions more than some. Yet, with it revolving around music or art, I just feel…

Doc:……… Distant?

Matt: No, just… like… Whats the word…

 

 

…. I don’t know, I just feel disconnected, from that plug at least.

Doc: DISCONNECT!! THAT’S THE 9-LETTER WORD! Oh, sorry, keep going; I’m listening.

Matt: ………Yo, were you doing a crosswo— First off, “disconnect” is 10 letters, not 9. Secondly, were you doing a crossword puzzle this whole time while I was talking?

Doc: Just for the last 15 min of our session. I can multi-task. I can help you through your issues while clocking in hours for weekly word puzzles.

Matt: OK, you’re multi-tasking; what was the last thing I said?

Doc: Disconnect is 10 letters, not 9.

Matt: NO!, or well, yes, technically, but. before that.

Doc: “I would consider myself a sensitive person, you know? Generally, I’d say I’m vulnerable with my emotions and feelings. I’m no stranger to crying; I was a goddamn crybaby as a kid. My mom told me the reason why I have an outie belly button is because I cried too much as a baby. Granted, I never googled it to see if that’s an actual thing that can happen, but… my point remains. Regardless, I’d say I understand emotions more than some. Yet, with it revolving around music or art, I just feel dis—

Matt: Ok, Ok, you proved your point. Show off, but impressive.

Doc: Keep going; I’m all ears. Also, 10 letters? I’ll just remove an “N.” Work smarter, not harder.

Matt: That’s not how crossword puzzles…sigh. Whatever. Like I was saying, even at my lowest and most depressed, or at my most happy and nostalgia-induced, listening to music or whatever it may be, I never shed a tear, even though I whole-heartedly want to. I feel like it’d be such a relieving and eye-opening experience. Like unlocking a chakra. I don’t know if I’m just emotionally firm or just repressed.

 

Doc: Well, there’s nothing wrong with those concerns, but lighten up on yourself. You said you understand human emotions. That’s good, but you’re forgetting the important part: it’s complexity. Everyone responds, reacts, and handles their emotions differently. For instance, when a loved one passes away, a whole family may react differently. One may cry their eyes out; one may stay calm and stern. Neither one is an inappropriate response; one isn’t less emotional than the other. As long as you’re in touch with your feelings, then you are doing well. It’s when you’re in denial and suppress/repress that’s when it’s unhealthy.

Matt: Yeah, I see that.

Doc: Did you cry to the movie Waves?

Matt: No

Doc: Really? Something is wrong with you.

Matt: What?

Doc: Nothing. But look, did you feel the emotions during it?

Matt: Uhhhhh…yeah. I can say it definitely fucked me up.

Doc: There you go; all is well. Now, I’m not gonna throw the statistics and data of “1 in every insert number” cries to “insert art and shit,” because even if you’re not apart of that piece of that pie chart, it’s still connecting with you in a great way, so it’s done its job. It’s not like you’re some macho dick who thinks feelings are for weenie and eat bananas like sunflower seeds. Watches workaholics and unironically chants “Free Tory.”.

Matt: Damn…who are you subbing?

Doc: No one…no one at all…but, out of curiosity, what’s been a time where you came close?

Matt: Uhh……..Uhhhhhhhhhh…….hmmm–

Doc: Hey dude, we have 5 mins left; you gotta squeeze in your answers quickly. When in doubt, guess the answer “C.”.

Matt: Oh, I got 10 tracks into Drake’s “For All the Dogs,” and I almost cried when I realized I had 13 more songs to fight through.

Doc: Seriously Matthew

Matt: No, seriously, an album as long as a movie can break your spirit in ways torturers couldn’t replicate.

Doc: No, seriously, strip away the jokes. An honest answer.

Matt: Oh, well, one time I was hung up over a girl I really like, who didn’t like me back. So I spent my day listening to Blondie by Current Joys and Dry Ice by Green Day. Then I fell off my bed, and then the tears were warranted for a whole other reason.

 

 

Doc: How did that make you feel after the fact?

Matt: Like shit, I have hardwood floors, yo. It hurt like hell.

Doc: No, after listening to the music and repeatedly listening to the music.

Matt: Good, I guess. To, in essence, emotionally vent. I was still sad, but you know, I guess I was dealing with it in a healthy way.

Doc: Bingo once again. You processed your emotions, didn’t run from them, and connected. Now, you may not have physically reacted, but the experience is just as relieving as someone who may have dropped a tear. You may not have responded with teardrops, but that doesn’t negate where your heart was and is.

Matt: You’re very sappy, and I love you for that. I see the point once more.

Doc: I know, but whelp, looks like your session is up. Time to get you going

Matt: Yeah, I’m on the go. Thanks again. You know, I know, it’s your job to understand me, but sometimes I feel you get me more than I do me.

Doc: Well, there’s a simple reason for that.

Matt: What’s that?

Doc: How do you think I help you as you can help yourself? Because I am your subconscious. I am you.

Matt: No, you’re not

Doc: Yes, I am

Matt: No, you’re not

Doc: Yes

Matt: You’re not a figment of my imagination; you’re right in front of me. We’re in a whole ass office building. You’re wearing a suit; I’d never wear a suit.

Doc: But that’s not the question you should—

Matt: I’m poking you with a pen; explain that.

Doc: Simple…..I took one of my wife’s pills, and I think it’s starting to kick in.

Matt: Yeah, I’m gonna go now.

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