Treehome of Terrors V: Fears for Fears

Words by Matthew Spence:

Tis the month to go hand in hand and play Ring-Around the Rosie with your egging crew, cry about how Disney doesn’t show Halloweentown or Hocus Pocus anymore, and secretly get doped up on your kids’ candy. October is a part of the holiday triplets towards the end of the year when we finish drawing the 360 loop of a year. They’re like the loveable trio with their unique quirks. December is that jolly and optimistic one you need to take a 30-minute break from every now and then cause they may get annoying as fuck. November is that awkward-calm one who, all in all, is just trying to figure it out and get by with her loved ones. Last but not least, cause if I put them last, they may put razors in my candy and my apples in October. The lovely bastard can have your best interest but is with the shits if it comes to it. Think the Belchers kids: Tina November, Gene December, and Louise October.

Now, since we’re in the belly of the beast, the month to be spooked and keep devoted Christians inside for a few days, I decided to break out my old Goosebumps books, play some Gravediggaz, and tell a tale of fear. No, not Bloody Mary, or the Blair Witch, or Matt Groenings fear of a random dude reworking his series Halloween Special title for his own article. Instead, my fears. But beware, you’re in for a…slight disturbance but you’ll recover.

Fuck 12……th

Rule of Thumb: The higher the pitch, the more evil the laugh.

While I’m already an above-average… okay, mediocre guitar player, there’s a kryptonite that taunts me worse than the Trix cereal kids. Going beyond the 12th fret. No matter how I try: tips, tricks, noodling, jamming, the 13th fret, and further is my high school bully. If Freddy were to invade my dream, he wouldn’t do me like he did Johnny Depp. Instead, he’d hand me a Telecaster and Marshall amp to make me play only with the 12th fret and higher. He’d sit, watch, laugh, and throw popcorn at me while I struggle. I actively avoid it like parents avoid their kids’ PTA meetings. Especially when you admire talented players and guitar greats who craft some of the best melodies and solos using the forbidden area, yet when I go near it’s like going to San Andreas cities before they’re unlocked and I get 5 stars. Plucking and fucking up. I fear it like Ye West fears his potential. Shuddering I am, thinking about it.

P.S. It kills me to accept I can’t perfect the Chump Outro because of this. In the words of Lucy Loud, “Sigh.”

Heights

Self Explanatory. Fuck Heights. Fuck Heights. Fuck Heights. Oh, and in case I forget to mention, Fuck Heights

All Work, No Tunes, Makes Jack Sad

2024 is not only filled to the brim with crashouts (goddamn you, Katt Williams), but we may have witnessed the greatest prank of all time crafted and curated. God took away our favorite music from streaming services without warning and casually brought them back after a couple of days or so. See, Ashton, that beats the hell out of any prank you’ve done. Seriously though, in a time where music is more accessible and digital, we might get too comfortable with our feet on the couch and head in the sounds, and may forget one important fact: it’s not tangible. It all could be wiped away from us like a kid getting their XBOX taken for getting a bad report card. We’ve seen it firsthand. MF DOOMS “MM… FOOD” was taken down from Spotify in July of 2024, with no word or reasoning, but was made available again shortly.

In Sept of 2024, due to legal disputes with YouTube and SESAC, a shitton of music and music videos were taken down and blocked on YouTube. From Kendrick Lamar, Bob Dylan, Green Day, Nirvana, Adele, J. Cole, Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, MGMT, Burna Boy, and so much more. [They took away my Green Day and American Football; then it was personal]; however, after a few days, everything was figured out and things were unblocked.

The thought of music being easily winnowed is a thought that raises my heart and my anxiety to an ultimate high. Dark, scary, paranoia. Mom,  pick me up. I’m scared. When you dig deeper, the intrusive thoughts get worse: What happens if everything digital got corrupted? What if all physical media were destroyed? What if I couldn’t hear my favorite songs and discover new music again? I’D GO FUCKING INSANE.

No Words, All Cry

Fun fact about me: I love writing. There are over 7000 languages in the world you can use to say, “No shit.” It’s something that I’ve always enjoyed in some form or another since I was a wee little crybaby. It’s really given me a feeling of security and purpose and is vital to my self-expression. If I wasn’t able to do this anymore for whatever reason, I’d be lost and scared. Simply put. That’s the real horror story of my life… Oh, and if Cartoon Network/Adult Swim stopped.

Nostalgic Fears

While I’m not afraid of this bump anymore, it’s actually nostalgic for me. However, holy fucking fuck this song used to scare the hell out of me as a kid. There was something so eerie and menacing, combined with the fact I was an easily scared kid; watching it in the dark by myself didn’t help. The black-and-white color palette didn’t make me feel more safe. It REALLY didn’t help when they aired horror movie trailers right before it [FUCK THAT ROB ZOMBIE “HALLOWEEN” REMAKE and FINAL DESTINATION 3 BTW, but not really though, but kinda yeah].