Unscientific Fun of Late Night Store Runs

Words by Matthew Spence:

Bring out the final edit from the cutting room floor and get a test screening; an anthology of our nightlife would make an audience at Sundance either blank space in their mind to the point of drooling or make people stay for ending the credits to get the names of the people they wanna invite to game night. Nothing like one of those moments where you sit and stoner sonder, thinking about the 8 billion plus 1 stories happening every weekend, or even every weekday. Some are chill, others are blazing… figuratively and medicinally. Presenting, we have your:

Club Hoppers and Bar Hoppers

Loiterers and wanderers. Just going nowhere but somewhere. Wherever the night takes them

On the other side of the bed, we have nights of calmness. Now, some may give these kinds of nights a thumbs down. Some are not too fond of sitting at home, working on that Salem Puzzle that you always put off finishing, Googling the end meaning of a David Lynch film to feel a little bit smarter. Bringing it back to the old school and talking on the phone with the homie: Coffee and Cigarettes style, or Ted style, however, you do. Just living like Andy. Not everything needs to be a “movie”; even the most simple and subtle can give the Rolling Stones some satisfaction, just slightly. Peep the scene:

It’s Friday night, you’re chilling on the couch making a flipbook animation cause that movie your friend recommended was low-key boring as fuck, then a bulb goes off in your head. But it’s kinda hot, so you have to put it over your head and realize, “Mmm… I should probably just get the pasta tonight so I can make it first thing tomorrow, instead of waiting until tomorrow.”. Then your thoughts multiply. “Might as well get the detergent too…and snacks, fuck it.”. Before you know it, you’re in the mood for the unappreciated night out with a late-night store run.

A small window where you’re just me, myself, and I. Hitting the beats that would make most people feel alright—the epitome. Picking your store like a Smash Bros stage, Cruise to your signature late-night playlist that ranges from coworker music to GTA’s greatest hits.

Finding a parking space so up close that you usually need a four-leaf horseshoe and a handicap sticker to get it.

There’s a fine wine feeling of stopping by your favorite store to do some quick but timely shopping, to pick your vitals, usuals, and nonessentials, and just plain old useless, but who’s gonna stop me from buying that water gun? It’s only $1. Snacks, drinks, and household shit like batteries, that way you can stop mismatching the ones you find under your couch. Now, you may ask, how could something that sounds flat on paper be well-rounded in action? It’s simple; it just does.

The Less Crowds, The Better (My fav Tame Impala Song)

Less crowds, less anxiousness, and less annoyance. An introvert’s heaven. Most people dread going to the store for a few reasons, particularly in the day. Maybe they were forced to go get shit; they’re worried about their card being declined in public, maybe they’re worried about running into their boss because they called in sick, or maybe they’re just exhausted. However, the crowds and people most def crack the WatchMojo top 3 (WatchMojo is still a thing, right?). No one wants to deal with the lines upon lines upon lines to the point where you wish you had one to snort. Having to scoot by people, feeling like you have to rush being in certain aisles cause someone is trying to look in the same spot as you. And let’s not even mention the loud-ass kids. Erase all that and ease your mind; at 9 pm and further, everything feels like an even flow. Where you can just bask in the space and enjoy the time for yourself. Enjoy the tolerable to pretty good slaps playing through the system and vibe through the aisles while you weigh out your options: “Should I get the Dove or switch it up and get Aveeno?”

Lazy Fashion is King

It’s 10:01; you wanna buy frozen pizza and deodorant at [insert store you like to go to], wear your PJs or laundry sweats; you’re not going to the fucking MET Gala (even though that would be a G move within itself to do that). You’re going to Walgreens; who are you going to run into? The love of your life? Possibly, but if they don’t understand the vibes, then they weren’t the one, sweetie, and wouldn’t pass the vibe check of the Dude. In layman’s terms, who gives a fuck?

Hey, It’s You Again. How’s the fam?

There’s something about the late-night that brings out the kinds of kindness out of employees. Sure, 95% likely it’s because they know they’re getting the hell out of there in an hour, but I like to be optimistically naive and think Tinker Bell sprinkled something in the night air. When you’re being rung up, especially when you’re a regular and become a familiar face for them as they become for you, that’s when you can crack in a quick convo: “Long day, huh?” “Dude, Three Musketeers suck ass.” “I CAN’T %@%$@@# BELIEVE YOU ASKED ROMANA OUT AFTER I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO %&@#&@$ THAT.”. Often short and sweet, but a nice example of the little experiences doing the most for your mood. Plus, if you play your cards right, they might give you a discount on some shit. If you’re lucky. But it’s not about kissing ass; it’s about conversing. Who knows where that one convo will lead to? A long, fruitful friendship or the casual shoot shitter.

When it’s all said and done, if you’re feeling it, take a pic of yourself on the surveillance cam.

While it’s all smiles and Hallmark cards, and  there are still some limits to be aware of. Don’t skip the warning page and tread lightly:

Don’t be “That One.”

Never, never, ever, ever show up 15 mins or less before closing. Unless. You urgently need whatever, and it’s a get-in-and-get-out deal like you already poured the bowl of cereal and don’t wanna put the cereal back in the box with a spoon. Alright then. Other than that, you’d be just an inconvenient dick. No one wants to be that.

Read the Room and the Price Tag

Again, it’s all fine and dandy to chat with the cashier, but remember people are on the clock and wanna go home. Don’t let the thermometer go from a fun convo to entertaining the convo to “Holy shit, dude, stop talking.”. So know when to leave it alone and let things sit. Unless you’re ready to get a reality check on how annoying you can be.

It’s a quick reminder that it’s all the small things, people. Not everything needs to be something worth writing about (I just noticed how ironic this statement is) in your journal, Moesha style. Unless you get back home and realize you forgot the one thing you wanted to get in the first place, then you can write about how stupid you can be. Cause trust me, I’ll be at that party with you.