POV: It’s the Mid-00s & You’re a Kid Staying Home from School

Dream cuts to Black and reality is poking you with a colored pencil (probably red-orange colored) to wake up. Consciousness is getting fine-tuned as sounds in your bedroom are getting clear as Hi-Fi, matching your vision from blurry to seeing the bright visuals of Rockos Modern Life on the fat box tv. As usual, you fell asleep on Nicktoons Network like any other night (Thanks Comcast). Groggily sitting up and looking around the majority-shaded room while the Zoo Pals theme song plays for the 1000th time in an hour. With sporadically separated posters and stars on the ceiling, sunlight is trying its hardest to have some exposure in the room but the blackout curtains remain undefeated in this fight

It’s 7:30 am, time to get up for the dreadful but “hey what can you do” morning routine before school. Go to the kitchen in your PJs and pour a bowl of cereal [Cinammon Toast Crunch] with the best bowl and spoon in the house. Immediately going back to the room to watch more cartoons, flipping back and forth between Cartoon Network and Nicktoons Network (Double Thanks Comcast). Eating at a steady pace, not forcing it but understanding you’re on a clock. Don’t gotta make a flight for the holidays but gotta make it to school before Jason, it’s principles. Put the dish away and it’s drill time now. Time for the bathroom routine including brushing your teeth, washing your face, fixing your hair, and overall just making sure you look decent enough, not necessarily for compliments but enough to not get complaints from mom. Finishing touches of putting on your uniform, but a knock on the door, with only one sock on your dad. Expecting to hear the usual “Hurry the hell up” as he wants to drop you off to hell, also known as “school”. Yet, in a turn of Lynchian events he says: “Oh btw, you can stay home from school if you want”. Joyfulness and thankfulness gleam while in the back of your mind, you think “You could’ve told me this before I put on my clothes”, whatever though.

Cause at that moment, you have a vision like [That’s So] Raven of how the day home from school will go. From 10 am-11:30 am, Cartoons…Cartoons…Sitcoms… and More Cartoons. Disney Channel, Cartoon Network, and depending on what’s on, Nick Jr. Of course, it’s not just that, Multitasking by playing the DS is a must. Fully Charged Bitch. Mario Kart, Super Mario Bros, the Incredibles Game, and pick a Pokemon Game while in the background the Little Einsteins teach you music theory, Johnny Bravo dodges another harassment case, and Dora has one more time to ask you which way the trail is before you call her a “freaking idiot”. Gotta have the entree of snacks too. Motts Fruit Snacks, Capri-Suns, Fruit By the Foot, and maybe a Trix Yogurt (not Danimals), cause the second you sit down, you’re not getting back up (unless it’s for the bathroom obviously) so you’re getting everything from the kitchen for the next few hours to hold you down.

12 pm-2 pm [secretly watching] Trash TV time with Maury and Jerry Springer as the classic headliners. Nothing says fun than watching someone realize they’re gonna be a single parent while the “not the Father” guy dances with the crowd like it’s a Nelly music video. In the mix of that, insurance commercials and school commercials. However, at the age of 10, being told that all you do is sit on the couch and let life pass you by. Keep procrastinating over and over and just need to make the call that’ll help the future [sorry guy on the street, we didn’t mean to make things complicated]. Wrapping up, the official school day is over (you probably hear school buses for high schoolers), and you don’t have homework, so you’ll keep the day going.


Then the world comes to a crushing apocalypse when you remember that you have to start Ms. May’s book report soon. But, then you remember thats’ all later in the day. Shrug it off, it’s a day off without a catch of going to the doctor or something unwanted. Screw it, Take off your uniform, and go back to sleep.

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