C R A S H O U T: It’s What You Do

Words by Matthew Spence:

Cherry Crossword Puzzle

6 across:

Eight-letter word.

Def: Baton Rouge slang turned Universal; absolutely fed up and lost all self-control; pissed off and ready to set it the fuck off; seeing FFNY infrared; “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore.”

Figured it out yet? You realized that your guess doesn’t fit the boxes?  And no, spelling it informally is cheating.  You ready to snap your pen? Fitting cause the word of the day is:

 

C R A S H O U T

 

 

A practice as elder as Buddhism and bootlegging. In more recent years, however, we’ve gotten more hyperaware of its presence in our human nature. We all crash a little sometimes. These crashes don’t require the assistance of State Farm but instead the luck of four 4-leaf clovers so that your mugshot comes out Pinterest-ready. No need to break out the holy water cuz, well, generally the spirit of the crash-out can illuminate danger (and sure, carried by the wrong person can be), but I’d argue there’s a misunderstood element towards it.

Society’s part-time job is to fool you into believing that man or woman, cis or trans, gay or straight: you’re either too emotional, and you need to hold it together. So in each section of life, constantly test your patience: people, places, and circumstances that push you to the sandbox; sooner or later, one is bound to crash out and throw dirt back.

Putting a straitjacket on your emotions is far from the healthiest for your internal and mental. Sometimes you can breathe in so much toxicity life feeds you; your spit can be used to remove car rust, so you can imagine letting your thoughts pile over each other and emotions build by day is rotting your insides.

 

 

Background: cost of living is high, the government is protecting child rapists, and war is duo-ing next to a genocide.

Foreground: the economy is fucked, tension is rising, and stakes are high; combine this with all of her individual problems and issues, and can you blame someone for behaving like Pop Copy employees after weeks of having to take bullshit from a customer who “needs” a splash, “just a splash” of honey in their tea?

You need to scream, shout, and let it all out, or else your emotions will become haunting like early Three Six Mafia songs. Whoever invented rage rooms needs a day named after them.

 

 

 

Once you close the book of crashing out and watch it adapted for screen, outside and participants can agree; crash-outs can be entertaining as fuck if done right. There’s a certain level of art when it comes to a good crash-out, je ne se quoi if you will, that separates a middle-of-the-road crash to a phone gallery keepsake. Quotables that are niche to some but iconic to you: raw, unfiltered passion and the constant ask of “how did we get here?”

 

 

 

Eyes are glued, but the head moves left and right like a Wimbledon match. Watching a crash out is a cheat day when it comes to your diet of “minding your damn business.” Your brain is saying “oh shit,” but you can’t help but be paralyzed in paying attention to every second. Sadistic? It depends on who you ask. Part of the country has a phobia of seeing their homie crash out on IG live, and another portion waits all day for their regular schedule, Azealia Banks’ program. However, if you’re hoping for a crash-out to turn violent, then you’re fucking evil.

Keeping it real can go wrong, but wishing it goes straight to hell is not empathetic to thy fellow neighbor. Culture (pop/Internet) has a landfill of crash-outs that demonstrate how to properly go off and go on with your life.

Studying the Arts: through my personal collection of favorite crashouts, I believe I developed a formula on how to craft the perfect crashout.

Do’s and Don’ts

Do: CRASH on the right person

“Be the bigger person”—that’s a fair assessment, but sometimes a motherfucker gets too sweet and deserves to be cursed the fuck out, so if you crash, be sure it’s to the well-earned and deserving, not someone who unintentionally put themselves in the belly of the Beast. Bullies, paparazzi, the antagonizers, fascists, etc.

Do: KEEP IT short and sweet.

Don’t drag and scribble over the place; say what you want, mean what you say, but keep it under 5 minutes.

Not to say crash-outs can’t be longer than five minutes because the Holy Grail of all of them is 9 minutes plus.

 

 

Don’t: HARM anyone

Seeing red can blind you, but what would Mr. Rogers and Steve think of you getting a charge cuz you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself? Hilary Duff ended homophobia in 2008; why are you throwing slurs? Crashing out doesn’t give you the green light to be a bigot, violent, and hateful piece of shit in any capacity.

[Well, then again… Sometimes a motherfucker needs to get slapped, so make sure it’s the right person at least.]

O When, O Where should it be?

Emotions are like Pixie Dream Girls: Who knows where they’ll take you? Just keep in mind the audience; don’t crash in front of the anxious or at a kid’s graduation. Weddings, yes. Funerals, no.